I'm Jean Grey! No, I am! Not you, me!
by Raven Wings
Summary: *COMPLETE* What is with Jean Grey? Why is she so popular? Why are there so many of her? I don't know the answers, but this fic makes fun of her in a completely random way.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Jean, or any of the other X-Men. I don't own Eminem's "Would the real Slim Shady please stand up?" and lesse..I don't think I borrowed anyone else for this fic.   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I wrote this while camping with my *shudder* family, so if it's weird...well, lets just say "Don't ask about my sanity" because you probably won't like the answer.  
  
  
It was a beautiful sunny day. Jean Grey was heading downstairs to the pool, when she heard a few strains of music as she passed Jubilee's door.  
  
"Im Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady..."  
  
Smiling, Jean continued walking down the hallway, and began singing to herself- "I'm Jean Grey, yes I'm the real Jean Grey..."  
  
As she passed through the rec room, still singing those lines to herself, there came a loud POP! and a voice said behind her, "No, you're not. I am!"  
  
Jean whirled around to be confronted with- herself? The other Jean smiled at her smugly. "I'm the real Jean Grey, although those ignorant X-Men used to call me Phoenix."  
  
Jean Grey felt herself recovering from the initial shock. She knew how to explain this. It was just Phoenix, copying her body again- although that posed the question of just how exactly Phoenix was in the rec room, seeing as she was supposed to be dead.   
  
"Well, you can explain her, but what about me?" said another voice, also accompanied by a loud POP!  
  
Jean turned to face the second voice. It was another woman who looked like her!  
  
Behind Jean, Phoenix snorted in a very un-ladylike manner. "You're not Jean Grey, I am. You're just Madelyne Pryor, a pathetic clone of me."  
  
Suddenly, there was another POP! and a voice that said "She's not Madelyne Pryor, I am! Oh, whoops. I mean, I'm Jean Grey!" A very ticked-off looking Jean was entering the room.  
  
Madelyne groaned. "It's that damned psyonic shell of me that X-Man created, the little swot. Will she ever go away?"  
  
Jean's head was starting to whirl. It's not every day you're confronted with three copies of yourself. "Wait a minute!" she yelled, and the other Jeans, who were bickering over who was -you guessed it- the real Jean Grey, looked at her.   
  
Jean took a deep breathe, and tried to sort out everything she was going to say.   
  
"Look, are you going to speak or not, you pathetic wannabe of myself, because I have a date with Cyclops later." Madelyne said.   
  
Jean glared at her. "Wannabe? Of you? Why would I be?"  
  
Madelyne shook her hair back in that shampoo commercial way. "Because I'm Jean Grey of course."  
  
"No you're not!" Phoenix objected. "I'm Jean Grey!"  
  
"Dream on, sister." Madelyne Two chimed in. "I know exactly who I am. And I'm Jean Grey!"  
  
"No way! There can only be one of her, and I'm it." said Phoenix stubbornly.  
  
"Would everyone just SHUT UP!" Jean yelled. "You're getting on my nerves."  
  
The other three stopped arguing, looking a little embarrassed.  
  
"Besides," Jean added, "I'm the real Jean Grey."  
  
There was suddenly another POP! and a teenage Jean appeared.  
  
"Look, I always thought I was Jean Grey." the adolescent contributed. "After all, I've been Jean all my life."  
  
Jean gave her an evil look. "You're just X-Men: Evolution Jean. You're not even in the same age group as the rest of us, so sod off, you little brat!"  
  
Teenage Jean shrugged, and disappeared again.  
  
"You!" Jean continued, pointing at Phoenix, "You killed yourself, so you're not the real Jean. You!" she pointed at Maddie 1, "You're just my clone, and I killed you, so you're not the real Jean. You!" she pointed at Maddie 2, "You're just a copy of Madelyne! You're not even in the ball park to consider being me!" Jean paused for breath, then continued. "The point is, I'm the real Jean, and no-one else is. So there!"  
  
The other three Jean wannabes just stared at her for a moment, then began to laugh.  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Madelyne 2 asked. "There are so many of us around, it's near impossible to tell who's who."  
  
Jean considered. She was right. For all she knew, she was just another fake!  
  
Suddenly, Sinister entered the room. How did he enter? How did the other Jeans even get there? How did Jean know that Teenage Jean was from X-Men: Evolution? Ahh, the wonders of fanfiction...anyway, Sinister entered to room, and looked around in amazement.  
  
"This is more than I could have hoped for!" he said gleefully, "Four Jeans to try and steal geanes from!"  
  
The four Jeans groaned, partially at the fact that Sinister was hassling them, but mostly at his bad pun. "Why are you so obsessed with me, the real Jean Grey?" Phoenix yelled. "What's the deal?"  
  
Sinister looked around furtivly, then whispered "I'm actually Marvel in disguise. Did you think it mere coincidence that you have had so many replicas off yourselves? That your names were randomly drawn out of a hat? No, it's because Marvel- me- are obsessed with you! Mwahahaha!"  
  
The Jeans shruffed. Weirder things had happened.  
  
"Ladies, I was wondering- would you like to come with me? Together we can clone an army of Jeans, and I can do the same thing I try to do every night- try to take over the world! We can rule the galaxy as master and clone!" He began to laugh manically again.  
  
Jean was about to knock him back, but then she thought about it for a bit. There were already so many copies of her. Could it hurt if there were a few more? She took a glance at the others, and realised that they were thinking the same thing.  
  
"I'll pay twice as much as Professor X." Sinister cajoled.  
  
Jean grinned. "Mr Sinister, we accept!"  
  
  
1 MONTH LATER...  
  
  
Rogue and Gambit were sitting on the roof of the mansion talking, when Rogue noticed a wave of red creeping across the lawn of the mansion. "What in tarnation is that!?"  
  
Gambit took a closer look, then gasped. "Mon Dieu! It's...it's Jean Greys!"  
  
The sunlight glinted off the red hair of the army of Jean Greys marching towards the mansion. All arguing over who was the real Jean.   
  
A figure emerged from the garage, headed towards the mansion, and the million Jeans all turned to look at the man, identical expressions of eagerness on their faces.  
  
"Scott, watch- mmph!" Rogue tried to call out to the figure, before Gambit clamped a gloved hand over her mouth.   
  
"Shh, chere! Dis should be int'restin'." He told her.  
  
They sat there, watching as the Jean army said at the same time, in the same pitch, in a sound that nearly deafened the two watchers- "SCOTT!"  
  
Scott looked up, finally noticing the gaggle of woman, and paused, as Rogue and Gambit nearly fell off the roof with laughter.  
  
Scott began to walk slowly backwards, as the women advanced towards him, eyes hungry.  
  
"AHHHH!" Scott screamed like a girl, and began running for dear life, as the army followed him.  
  
"How long do ya think he'll last, shugah?" Rogue managed to say in between gasps of laughter.  
  
Gambit considered. "I give 'im about another 100 metres."  
  
They both began to laugh again, as Scott and the women disappeared into the sunset. 


End file.
